Off The Back Of A Fag Packet – Preston 16th February 2015

Yet another poor United performance, particularly in the first half, has been covered by the fact that on the appearance of the scoreline, United won easily. Truth is, United only got going after Scott Laird had given Preston North End the lead early in the second half when his shot deflected off Antonio Valencia’s left foot through David de Gea’s hands.

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The happy chaos which greeted Marouane Fellaini’s goal in the 72nd minute

What a sight it was that greeted us after that goal. As we stood on the Bill Shankly Kop, to our left in the Pavillion stand, we were greeted by the biggest bunch of let me at ’em merchants witnessed since we last played Stoke City. Suddenly, Continue reading Off The Back Of A Fag Packet – Preston 16th February 2015

Where The Brass Bands Play… – Manchester 9th of March 2014

The return of club football couldn’t come a day too soon for United after the debacle in Athens. The meantime has seen United fans living through a mini silly season. A silly season which has seen Betty Boop, a Jack Russell from Ordsall who got trapped under a car bonnet, make the national news on the BBC. A silly season where a campaign which garnered over 17,000 signatures to get Tom Cleverley dropped by Roy Hodgson, also make national news. A bemused Roy Hodgson was asked about this petition, organised by Glenn McConnell, an Everton fan from the Liverpool district of Blackpool. A knock on result of this petition and Tom Cleverley’s admittedly erratic recent form, saw him roundly booed by a load of inbreds/ingerlund fans at a mass open sewer in North West London (alias Wembley). Reds at The Hawthorns were in a more conciliatory mood, recommending the much improved Maroune Fellaini for England. Continue reading Where The Brass Bands Play… – Manchester 9th of March 2014

Grown men move on – Manchester United V Stoke City 20th of October 2012

Club football made a welcome return after the Paddies were murdered by Germany, the hilarious farce that went on in Warsaw on Tuesday just gone and last night’s incident at Hillsborough which reminded me of a similar event at the same stadium involving Paolo Di Canio and referee Paul Alcock in 1998.

Paul Alcock collapses in instalments from a push by Paolo Di Canio

Yesterday’s incident at Hillsborough summed up the verminous shithouses that follow Leeds United perfectly, a cowardly attack on an unsuspecting victim and the perpetrator was welcomed into the Leppings Lane stand by his fellow Leeds fans like a returning war hero. As for the attack itself, what kind of a punch/blow was that which landed on Kirkland? A seven year old girl could throw a better punch… Then there’s former Liverpool goalkeeper Chris Kirkland. Dearie me. I know from personal experience that it’s not the power of a punch or blow that can put you on your arse as much as the shock and surprise of one. If you’re slightly off balance and caught unawares by a hostile move, then it’s understandable but what I really want to know is why did Kirkland require such extensive medical attention? He was lying down for a good 2 or 3 minutes after that incident; it was nothing. In that situation you get over the shock pretty quickly and get up, more out of pride than anything else. On the photograph below, Kirkland is clutching the back of his head – why? He was slapped in the face! I look at people like Chris Kirkland and Robbie Savage and wonder what kind of street they grew up on?

Pain: Kirkland holds his face after the incidentLeeds fan Aaron Cawley applies the coup de grâce to a prostrate Chris Kirkland

On Tuesday passed, watching the farce unfold and subsequent waffle fest on ITV with Roy Keane, Adrian Chiles, Lee Dixon and Gareth Southgate was more entertaining than any England match I’ve watched in the last eight years. The most enlightening thing we learnt was that Roy Keane had only brought one whistle with him and it’s also now plainly obvious that one of the make up people does his tie for him. The programme bounced back and forth between the studio and hapless pitchside reporter Gabriel Clarke, who was desperately asking questions to PR people who are expertly trained in the art of not giving answers.

Boyhood red Gareth Southgate alongside Lee Dixon and Roy Keane in Warsaw

The one comforting thing to emerge from Warsaw on Wednesday night was that it isn’t just the English authorities that can be staggeringly incompetent. Sometimes the weather can waterlog a pitch and in the vast majority of cases, there’s bugger all that can be done about it. The Kazimierz Gorski stadium in Warsaw has a roof to make sure that a pitch is playable come rain or shine. The roof was used for the entirety of the Euros just gone when the weather was mostly glorious but not used on Tuesday night when presumably the local met office might have given the stadium management the ‘heads up’ that it was going to piss down. Ah well, I’m sure they know better than me what’s going on.

Italian referee Gianluca Rocchi inspects the pitch in Warsaw on Tuesday night

Too often this season United are getting caught cold. When up against a decent side, like Tottenham for example, it becomes irretrievable. When up against a spirited but rubbish side like Stoke, as today proved, it can be recovered. United had better tighten up and do it quick as there’ll be no margin for error in forthcoming games against Chelsea and Arsenal. On 11 minutes, Paul Scholes gave away a soft free kick which, to use a hockey term, was effectively a short corner for former Blackpool midfielder Charlie Adam. He crossed it brilliantly and it lead to Wayne Rooney heading the ball into his own net. Before Wayne Rooney equalised on 26 minutes, were it not for profligate finishing by Stoke, United could have been 3-0 down. Two goals either side of half time put United 3-1 in front. Robin Van Persie scored Uniteds’ second with a beautiful flick over Stoke keeper Asmir Begovic and Danny Welbeck headed United into a two goal lead. Just as United were threatening to run riot, Michael Kightly went past Rio Ferdinand on 58 minutes like he was a ghost to bring the score back to 3-2. Seven minutes later Wayne Rooney scored to wrap up both the goals for today and the week of the 10th anniversary of his first goal, a brilliant winner at Goodison against a Arsenal.

Wayne Rooney equalises on 26 minutes

Michael Owen came on for Michael Kightly on 74 minutes and I’m pleased to say that he was warmly if not rapturously received by United fans. Owen was never going to be unconditionally loved by United fans but fair play to him, since he left Old Trafford, he hasn’t said anything out of order. There was a chant from the stretty comparing Owens league title medal haul to that of Steven Gerrard. His most memorable moment for United came when he scored that injury time winner against City in September 2009. That day, my mobile phone nearly combusted with berties sending me angry text messages and conspiracy theories about how referees always play the match until United get the neccesary goal. Oddly enough, with todays winner for City at the Hawthorns deep into injury time and Sergio Aguero’s goal against QPR on the last day of the season just passed, City fans now have a more sanguine outlook on injury time. I wonder why ?

Michael Owen and Wayne Rooney exchange post match salutations

Rio Ferdinand today invoked the ire of his manager for his refusal to wear the Kick it out t-shirts which players were supposed to wear this weekend. Whatever Ferdinands reasons are for not wearing the shirt, it’s surely his right not to align himself to some tacky and toothless gimmick if he so wishes. The only shirt that Ferdinand wears that really matters is the United shirt. Does Ferguson really think that the refusal of (amongst others) Rio Ferdinand, Kenwyne Jones and Reading’s Jason Roberts to wear the shirts will have any impact on the increase or decrease of racism? The Kick it out campaign for this year commenced on Thursday just gone and finishes on the 29th of October. Why does it end then? Will the scourge of racism be cured by that time or will there be some other fashionable Cause célèbre that succeeds it? Sir Alex Ferguson, a man famous for rarely publicly rebuking his players claimed that Ferdinands refusal to wear the shirt was an embarrasment for him. Here was me originally thinking that Fergusons’ disapointment stemmed from Ferdinands refusal to back the campaign (whatever that is) but it turns out that his chagrin is down to his own personal embarrasment. This is surely not the same Sir Alex Ferguson who famously bats for his players against all comers. Anybody would think Sir Alex might not personally like Rio. Everybody knows that there was, to put it mildly, a fall out between Ferdinand and Sir Alex’s son, Darren a few years back. Grown men move on, don’t they Sir Alex ?

Bye Bye Blackburn – A review of all teams Man United have played 2011/2012

In alphabetical order, a review of the teams United have played this season.

Aldershot Town

Two days after the 6-1 defeat to City, United played Aldershot Town. The timing of the game was a godsend bearing in mind what had happened 48 hours earlier. Any outside hope that Aldershot would have had by pulling a shock off were evaporated by the City result. League Cup or not, there was no way Sir Alex Ferguson was going to tolerate a defeat to Aldershot in the aftermath of the City match. Everything went alright on the night. Travelling United fans weren’t extorted on the ticket price, United won 3-0 without getting into third gear and 4,000 loyal, salt of the earth and local club supporting Aldershot fans went to their first and last match for ten years.

A mock up picture of Sir Alex Ferguson outside Aldershot’s Recreation Ground

Continue reading Bye Bye Blackburn – A review of all teams Man United have played 2011/2012

No Banana Skin On Boxing Day, Manchester, 26th Of December 2011

Boxing day in Wigan is traditionally a fancy dress day. This explains why 200/300 of their travelling 1500 army came dressed as bananas yesterday, there were other more free thinking ones who came dressed as Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and Lennie the Lion. The rest of the Wigan fans just sat there, so much so that I was beginning to wonder if they’d borrowed some cast offs from Madame Tussauds in Blackpool to pad out the pathetically low turnout of away fans on a bank holiday for a match that is sixteen miles from their hometown. Wigan, like Leeds, is a rugby league town that just happens to have a football team attached to it. Leeds have found their true and correct place in the second flight and hopefully will stay there ad infinitum, I have a feeling that Wigan are gonna be joining them there this summer, having stayed in the Premier League with admirable resilience, since 2005. Wigan are beginning to remind me of Wimbledon, who had an abnormally long stay in the top flight before being relegated, moving fifty odd miles away to Milton Keynes and completly losing their identity in the process. Like Wimbledon, Wigan’s support in regards to numbers is lamentable, when a club can’t sell out their ground for the visit of United, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool, then to my eyes, they have no business being in the top division. I could sit here all night taking the piss out of Wigan, but it’s a bit like kicking a puppy. At least the fans who came to Old Trafford yesterday dressed as bananas did try and create an atmosphere. They were, in the second half suddenly celebrating an imaginary goal, I was begining to think that they’d been on Ken Kesey’s favourite medication, then they tried riling a pretty bored K Stand by singing City’s Mancini song, to the tune of Volare and about City’s recent 6-1 win at Old Trafford. United fans ignored them in a way an adult would ignore a child jumping up and down saying look at me. United fans, myself included here, were looking forward to going back to the pub to carry on with the festive drinking session that always occurs on Boxing Day and which had been rudely interrupted by, unusually for United, a 3PM kick off.

Continue reading No Banana Skin On Boxing Day, Manchester, 26th Of December 2011