What’s The Mata You… – Liverpool 22nd March 2015

As Steve Gerrard was warming up on the touchline during the first half, he was as expected, ruthlessly abused by United fans in the Anfield Road. Songs such as Have You Ever Seen Gerrard Win the League, have you fuck… and also And Now You’re Gonna Believe Us, You Nearly Won The League… The scene was set, Steve Gerrard, an experienced professional, captain fantastic and all that, was going to come on in the second half and take control of the game. He was going to ram United fans piss taking back down our throats and he was going to love it like Kevin Keegan whilst doing so. Martin Tyler on SKY Sports couldn’t contain his excitement. He described Gerrard as having an “encyclopedic knowledge of this fixture”, whatever the bleeding hell that means.

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Celebrating reds immediately after the final whistle (photo courtesy of Lee Thomas)

There was apprehension amongst my red brethren in the Bishops Blaize. We were wary of the fact that even though Gerrard’s legs have gone, he’s lethal from a dead ball (now for some reason, known as a set piece). Over the years, I’ve seen Gerrard have some incredible 90 minutes, I’ve even seen him have some incredible 45 minutes but this performance, all of 43 seconds has to be the coup de grace. Continue reading What’s The Mata You… – Liverpool 22nd March 2015

Off The Back Of A Fag Packet – Preston 16th February 2015

Yet another poor United performance, particularly in the first half, has been covered by the fact that on the appearance of the scoreline, United won easily. Truth is, United only got going after Scott Laird had given Preston North End the lead early in the second half when his shot deflected off Antonio Valencia’s left foot through David de Gea’s hands.

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The happy chaos which greeted Marouane Fellaini’s goal in the 72nd minute

What a sight it was that greeted us after that goal. As we stood on the Bill Shankly Kop, to our left in the Pavillion stand, we were greeted by the biggest bunch of let me at ’em merchants witnessed since we last played Stoke City. Suddenly, Continue reading Off The Back Of A Fag Packet – Preston 16th February 2015

Took One For The Team – Manchester 28th September 2014

In the summer of 1982, Ray Wilkins was chosen to be the skipper for both club and country, following the respective stepping down of Martin Buchan and Kevin Keegan. Fate decreed that a broken cheekbone for Wilkins, just weeks after his appointment by Ron Atkinson and Bobby Robson, led to Bryan Robson being appointed the skipper of club and country instead. This was a position he kept long after Wilkins left United and retired from international football. Wilkins was unlucky that he lost his position so quickly due to an injury but, ultimately, it was best (certainly for United) that Robson was skipper. Probably for England too if I’d have cared enough.

Wayne Rooney could find himself in a similar position to Wilkins but in completely different circumstances. Continue reading Took One For The Team – Manchester 28th September 2014

In Serene Indifference – Manchester, 7th of December 2013

Watching the celebrating humbug resembling balloons supporting the toon on Warwick Road post match, I thought some of them were on the verge of giving birth, such was the vigour of the grunts and screams emanating from their mouths. I’m confident that today’s result will be soon etched on Newcastle United’s unburdened honours list alongside the signings of Kevin Keegan in 1982 and Alan Shearer in 1996, the 5-0 victory against United in the same year, as well as being the peoples champions when they blew a twelve point lead in the title race. Many years and many tears have been shed since then, enough to burst the banks of the Tyne and only the most churlish would begrudge them their day in the sun, like they had today. (trust me, if you’ve ever been to Newcastle, then anywhere south of Leeds is a day in the sun no matter what the weather). Continue reading In Serene Indifference – Manchester, 7th of December 2013